What is most important to you?

It has been said that in any given relationship of any kind usually one party gives 80% to said relationship and the other party give only about 20%.

It has also been said that out of any given relationship a person will only get about 80% of what they need, will look in other areas for that final 20% that they need to fulfill themselves.

Unfortunately what can happen is the 20% can look so much better than the 80%, and we can leave to 80% to attain unto that 20% of satisfaction. It could be your work. It could be sports. It could be another person. It could be online chat rooms. It could be friends. It could be video/computer/console games. Whatever situation you find yourself in it is time to stop, take a break, look around and re-evaluate your life.

I've also heard this one, "My marriage is based on a 50 / 50 principle. I give 50% to the marriage and she gives 50% and that equals 100%." Unfortunately you are wrong! A marriage isn't based on simple addition or subtraction. A marriage is based upon multiplication. Not 1 + 1 = 2, but 1 X 1 = 1!

In a relationship, especially marriage, it is a union of hearts, spirits, minds and bodies. As the Bible describes it; two become one! That is multiplication. Therefore, it behooves the man to give 100% of himself to his family, and the woman to give 100% to her family. Remember 1 x 1 = 1! When each person in the relationship is willing to give all their selves to each other that is when true love and unity can be explored and seen!

What is most important to you? Your Career? Your Sports? Your Volunteering? Your Games? Your Family? I am sure that most people who read will readily say that they think their family is important to them, but I am not interested in talk. My wife and I recently took time to have a very personal, honest and open talk. Through this conversation and discussion, which at times erupted into arguments, I discovered some very important feelings that wife has been dealing with for a fairly long time. These very important issues where by and large unknown to me. Sure I recognized that my wife was going through some things, but really didn't know what they were. It wasn't until we took the time to confront each other about these, and then take a honest look at our issues that we were able to fix them.

How can you find out what you really think is important? Well, you can try what I've been doing for a couple of weeks now. I had become very dissatisfied about myself, and the direction my life was taking.

1. So I bought myself a very good daily/weekly planner, and began to write down everything that I do each day.
   
2. After a few days of this I was able to identify in which direction my time was being funneled.
   
3. Once I saw where my time was going I was able to identify what I really would like to do, and what should be very important to me each day.
4. Next I wrote a list of important activities I should do every day. 1. Study 2. Practice Juggling/Balancing/Karate 3. Spend time with my wife 4. Spend time with my Children 5. Read my Bible/Pray 6. Read books 7. Business Plan 8. Relationship Book 9. Church Studies/Sermons. (I haven't arranged them in any particular order of importance.)
5. I am beginning to arrange my time so that these priorities will be met every day, or at least in a timely fashion throughout the week.
6. In doing the above activities I noticed that too much of my time was being spent doing things that really were not productive to developing my family. I was spending too much time working and resting, and not enough time with my family. I wasn't talking to my wife like I used to. I wasn't treating my children with respect and kindness. I discovered what was truly important, and realize I must change my ways.
7. I began to research ways to better myself, my family, my time management and life ethic on the internet. Then the practical things I found I am trying to implement and practice in my life.
8. So far I have found that these things have been working quite well, and I've noticed a difference in my family already, and will continue to make positive changes that will lead to a healthy relationships with my wife and children.

What people mistakenly believe is that clergy are invulnerable to these types of disasters, but we are only human and must learn the best we can to find truth in every aspect of our lives. I pray and study my Bible often so I can know truth, but without a true open relationship with my family what good will all the revelations of the universe do me? If you can truly be honest with yourself you will see that a personal relationship with your family will bring the best and truest form of satisfaction in life!

Remember this little acronym to help your find direction.

J = Jesus
O = Others
Y = You

Stop thinking about yourself and begin to think about your family!

Pastor Fred